黑料正能量

took a step toward the noisy group of men on the train, just as one began to unbuckle his pants.

鈥淗i! Can I sit down?鈥� she recalls asking after a few tense moments. Her audience, a D.C. Metro car full of passengers, was rapt. Benner 鈥� unassuming in stature, in her mid-20s with naturally blonde hair and an 黑料正能量 graduate 鈥� might have garnered the men鈥檚 attention if she鈥檇 instead blown the whistle clipped to her backpack.

But, her soft words held their attention arguably better.

After a short exchange, sharing a laugh about turning their friend in, she drove her point home. “I have to tell you, as a woman, watching you make sexual gestures at someone out the window was very threatening to me.鈥�

Simple words delivered genuinely are often the key to intervening in intense situations, area experts agree. Whether a parent is berating a child in the grocery store or the customer at the checkout is attacking the clerk, when is it right 鈥� or safe 鈥� to intervene?

Bystander roles

鈥淏ad things do happen,鈥� says , Academic Director at 黑料正能量鈥檚 . 鈥淭hings occur that are not healthy, but many people take a risk to say, 鈥榃e are a community; how can we be a better community?鈥� 鈥�

He outlines four 鈥渂ystander roles,鈥� attributed to colleague Kaethe Weingarten:
1) You are a bystander who is oblivious to what鈥檚 happening,
2) You鈥檙e aware of what鈥檚 happening, but don鈥檛 know what to do,
3) You鈥檙e aware, but intervene in an inappropriate way,
4) You feel confident enough under the circumstances to take potentially helpful action.

Frequently, Benner has crossed from passive to active roles (her spontaneous intervention experience includes stopping a bike theft, a man chasing a woman, breaking up a drunken fight and confronting a group of men when they harassed her friend), using techniques she has learned from Marty Langelan, a D.C.-based expert in the field of assault.

Langelan regularly teaches safety workshops at community organizations, including 黑料正能量鈥檚 , where Benner serves as assistant director.

The insecurity most onlookers feel in the face of wrongdoing often keeps them stuck at the second stage. 鈥淚 go by my gut,鈥� Langelan says. 鈥淭rust your instincts.鈥�

She and Hart believe that bystanders themselves don鈥檛 walk away from a violent situation unscathed. 鈥淭here鈥檚 the issue of how sickening it feels, inside, when we see an abusive situation, but feel helpless to stop it,鈥� Langelan explains. 鈥淚n a very real sense, bystanders are harmed by seeing something wrong and doing nothing. That鈥檚 called a 鈥榤oral injury.鈥� 鈥�

Even after standing up for others many times, Benner still regrets the times she froze. Recently, when a customer threatened a cashier, she felt helpless. 鈥淚 wish I had called the police, or maybe asked him to repeat [himself],鈥� she remembers.

鈥淪hock and shutdown鈥� is a normal first reaction, Langelan assures.

Hart agrees; it鈥檚 a matter of being prepared with the right responses, 鈥渓ike anything in life,鈥� he says.

Potential danger

After sitting in on several of Langelan鈥檚 workshops, Benner found herself mentally rehearsing crises, 鈥渇orming neural pathways so they鈥檙e there when I need them,鈥� she says.

Which situation-appropriate actions was Benner preparing to take?

Hart and Langelan suggest that in potentially dangerous situations, simply creating a distraction can break the cycle of violence. This can be applied to situations involving harassment or physical violence.

Langelan calls it the 鈥渧oice of God鈥� technique: a short, crisp command to stop, from a safe distance 鈥� she recommends at least 30 feet 鈥� that breaks their focus.

Hart recently used this approach right outside his office. When he saw a man viciously attacking another man, he thought, 鈥淭his is not good. I need to do something.鈥�

As he exited the building, Hart鈥檚 mind was rapidly recalling prior training. He asked a coworker to call the police, then stepped outside.

From a distance, he commanded, 鈥淪top that, stop that!鈥� he says. 鈥淚t was enough of a shocker to them that they both looked up, and ran off in different directions.鈥�

鈥淟eave your cape at home,鈥� urges Langelan. Don鈥檛 jump in the middle of violence to be a hero; even taking out your cell phone to snap a photo of the incident can be helpful to authorities. 鈥淭he privacy stops when the violence starts … it鈥檚 something that affects the whole community.鈥�

Blurred lines

In less blatantly violent situations, such as verbal abuse or mistreatment, the lines between right and wrong can be blurry for a bystander.

Nearly everyone has encountered a similar situation: the exhausted parent doling out unduly harsh discipline, or the diner disrespecting waitstaff.

Hart lays out two options: interject directly, or distract and diffuse.

But first, assess. 鈥淲hen these things happen, everybody鈥檚 emotional,鈥� he notes. 鈥淵ou are also impacted by the emotion … this is when a quick analysis can be done.鈥�

He gives the example of a store clerk berated by a customer. Approaching the offender 鈥� whose own background carries reasons for the behavior 鈥� risks their turning on you.

The second option is to show the cashier concern and respect, acknowledging what just happened rather than turning a blind eye.

Drawing attention might seem embarrassing or feel outside of one鈥檚 comfort zone, but when Benner merely made her presence known on the Metro, it opened an opportunity for real discussion. 鈥淭hey looked sympathetic as they nodded and just let me talk,鈥� she says.

Langelan says that non-judgmental approaches are key, with women鈥檚 presence being especially dynamic-changing. 鈥淎 woman who quietly walks up and says, 鈥榃hoa, what鈥檚 the matter here? How can I help?鈥� diffuses it just by her presence and body language.鈥�

For her, seeing children being struck by parents especially hits home. She also considers public humiliation a form of violence.

鈥淲hen kids get hit, it鈥檚 because the parent is out of control,鈥� she says.

Interrupt the scenario with what she deems the 鈥減raise the baby鈥� technique: in your most cheerful voice, compliment something visible about the child, such as, 鈥淲hat a cute toddler! Look at those sneakers!鈥�

鈥淚t penetrates all those emotions鈥� the frazzled adult is feeling mid-breakdown, she says.

Drawing on surrounding witnesses is another option to distract and diffuse, says Hart. 鈥淎sk people around you, 鈥楬ow can we help?鈥� That may be embarrassing, but I don鈥檛 think so. Most people would say a parent hurting a child or screaming at a child is wrong.鈥�

Building safer communities

Although the streets of Harrisonburg are relatively tame, Hart, Langelan and Benner vouch for the universal value of communities where eyes and ears are open.

鈥淰iolence breaks the common bond of humanity,鈥� Hart says. 鈥淚t鈥檚 there for a reason. It happens because people have been violated themselves, in small and big ways.鈥�

Langelan encourages more connections, especially with otherwise-overlooked members of society. 鈥淥ne of the simplest ways to make any neighborhood safer is to talk to people on the street,鈥� she says. 鈥淣odding, saying hello … it makes such a difference when people do start speaking up.鈥�

As the train came to her stop that day, fellow passengers high-fived and thanked her for stepping in before the situation escalated.

鈥淪ometimes people advise me to stop intervening, because it鈥檚 putting myself in danger,鈥� Benner says. 鈥淏ut I feel like that鈥檚 a pretty narrow view … I鈥檓 not the center of the universe. If I encourage a culture of people speaking up for each other … then it鈥檚 a safer community for me, too.鈥�

Courtesy Daily News Record, June 29, 2012